When Words Sting…
“So basically you’re a professional friend…”
These words didn’t mean much at first but later they hit me in the way I didn’t expect. Why did this sting?
Imagine someone pouring rubbing alcohol over an open wound. It would sting, burn and you would likely scream from the pain.
The rubbing alcohol actually only damages the muscles and delays healing. It doesn't clean or heal the wound at all. We become angry, frustrated and upset when we are faced with a situation or someone says something to us because it makes that wound feel raw and exposed. The power isn't in their words- it is a pain deep inside of us that we haven't healed from.
When I transition from providing therapy to coaching I worried others would see what I do as "less than". I feared that I wouldn’t be seen as worthy because "coaching is less than therapy." I convinced myself that anyone could be a coach and I had worked hard for my degree. I passed my social work licensure test, and dedicated my time to provide services to a high-risk population for years.
So where did I come up with this idea that one was less than the other?
I feared my old colleagues would see me as a fraud. That clients would pick someone else over me because I wasn't "as qualified". I worried that people wound't know all the hard work and time I put into my career.
I worried others wouldn’t know this. The clients wouldn’t pick me because of it. I realized in that moment that this exposed all my fears. My own insecurities stood in the way. That is why those words felt like rubbing alcohol over an open wound.
I had to really consider how my own belief system was influencing my reaction. It wasn’t just what she said it is that I don’t have complete ownership in what I do. I lost confidence in my work. If people see me as a professional friend then so be it. I can be whatever my client needs me to be. I am here to serve my purpose and stand in my truth. A title is just a title but how you show up matters. I am here to be authentic, real and honest with people in my life and calling it a therapist, friend or coach doesn't change that.
Sometimes it feels like we released old stories and messages until they show up again through the words of others. Don't get me wrong- words have power. We have to be careful what we say to others. We have to be mindful how to filter in and out what others say to us. A skill not easily mastered but definitely possible. One mantra that stuck to me in early recovery was "take what you need and leave the rest". Just because someone says something doesn't always make it true. Other times we have the opportunity to grow from it. Growth often happens from painful situations. I don't know why it is this way but I just know that it is.
It doesn't matter how I identify but I thought it did. What matter is that I am serving my life purpose by helping other women find their voice and confidence. My knowledge, experience and expertise are important and have shaped who I am. Who I truly am is what people come to see me for. The way people feel when they step into the office, coffee shop or over zoom is why they keep coming back.
In this weeks podcast episode I discuss this topic in more detail. I have many stories where words stung. I have learned how to be open to this information, assess it and either throw it away or learn from it. We all have choices in life. This is just another one where we get to choose growth or stagnation.
With light,
Katelyn
